ReImagine

This summer Christine Sine invited me to write something about an unconventional spiritual practice. Here’s something I wrote that is posted on her blog.

Love-Making As a Spiritual Practice

“Fire crackers like gun fire
Shatter the velvet silence of sweet release
with you in my arms.”

When I shared these lines above with a group of friends, reactions were mixed. One friend nodded with the knowing relish of common experience. Others squirmed uncomfortably as if what was spoken was too private or salacious.  Despite the fact that sexuality is central to what it means to be human and to be alive, so often it is a dimension of our lives that is fraught with conflicted feelings, secrecy, wounds or shame. Here are examples of common themes I hear in conversations among friends:

“We’ve never been able to talk about sex– I don’t think my spouse would understand what I need or want.”

“I stayed up all night twice this week looking at internet porn.”

“My partner and I haven’t had sex for almost a year. It brings up too much pain about my childhood trauma. ”

“I thought that if we got married, the same-sex attraction would go away.”

“I accidently made out with someone I just met at the party last weekend. We may have had too much to drink.”

“My spouse just caught me pursuing someone I met online. This has opened up the wounds and broken the trust … but I feel desperate for soul connection with someone.”

“I wonder why I haven’t found anyone to marry yet. I’m so hungry to share life with someone and experience intimacy. What’s wrong with me?”

The yearning to connect with another human being in whole person ecstasy is a sacred gift that is frankly overwhelming in its potency. And often it is the unspoken energy that is shaping our relationships with one another and our sense of belonging to God. It is a beautiful treasure that needs to be awakened, cultivated, disciplined and celebrated.

Knowing that our sexuality is a sacred gift, my wife and I have tried to be intentional about  our sexuality and love-making as a spiritual practice:

One of the ways that we do this is by talking about sex and our sexuality regularly outside the bedroom. Sometimes we talk about the mixed messages we got about sex growing up, or the guilt, shame or confusion we have felt about our sexual awakening and desires. We acknowledge that we are sexually broken. Most, if not all of us have wounds, guilt or repression about our sexuality to navigate. Knowing that the journey to healthy sexuality is often a winding road from adolescence throughout adulthood, we try to be deeply vulnerable and realistic– while offering each other grace and understanding.  We also talk about the nuts and bolts of what works for us in the bedroom–the words and touches that make the other person feel attractive, beloved and aroused. And though it is sometimes embarrassing for our kids, we talk with them about the loveliness of a sexual relationship and the sacredness of sex between people who are committed to one another. And we try to normalize and celebrate their awakening desires to experience union and intimacy with another human being.

As corny or unromantic as it might sound, we schedule our times for love-making. For us the days of spontaneous eruptions of sexual desire diminished quickly with the onset of full-time jobs, children, and the other the responsibilities of adulthood.  The truth is that at the end of a fulfilling day of meaningful work, family and community life, we feel pretty tired and often wish for a few moments alone. Like our weekly dates,  we schedule love-making as a way to make it a value and priority in our lives. Sex can be a measure of the whole quality of a marriage. Scheduling special time for love-making each week is a way for us to take the temperature of our relationship. There is a lot that has to happen before we get to the bedroom. We need to be reconciled with one another. We need to be conscious of our words and tenderness throughout the day so that the other feels safe and open to intimate touch. We need to be relaxed, centered  and de-stressed in order to be fully present to one another between the sheets. The practices of exercise, healthy eating, dressing and cleaning the body are all ways that we  affirm that we are God’s temple– sacred, attractive and worthy of care. And our bodies are sacred temples that we invite one another to enter. The teachings of Jesus and the Disciple John suggest that the love and care we give to one another is as close as we can get to loving the God we cannot see. The attentive gaze into one another’s eyes, the tender touch and gentle words are tangible practices in the mysterious ways of the kingdom of love.

Whether a person is married or single, we can explore ways to be God-conscious in our sexuality.  I know a devout single woman who practices what she calls, “Sexy time” — a space where she chooses intentional practices that help her feel feminine, beautiful and in touch with her body in ways that affirms dignity and a sense of being beloved.  I believe there is a way for each of us to invite God into the earthy realism and beauty of our sexuality– to walk with us in the complexity and power of being created as sexuality– and rather than seeing sexuality solely in terms of moral successes or failures, perhaps it is better to ask, “What are my next steps towards healthy God-conscious sexuality?”

Go here to register. This course is based on the material for my new book. Participants will get a sneak peak.
An Emerging Generation: Young Adult Ministry in the 21st Century Mark A. Scandrette
Registration Deadline: September 1, 2009
September 8 - October 25
2 CEUs

Today’s young people are passionate, spiritually engaged and socially active. They want to be the change that brings a revolution of hope. Yet they are largely absent from traditional forms of church life. How can we create Christ-conscious communities that connect the sensibilities of an emerging generation with the ancient roots of Christianity?  This course explores a practice-based and participatory model for creating vibrant spiritual communities among young adults.

All readings will be provided online.
Mark A. Scandrette is a minister, noted spiritual teacher and author of SOUL GRAFFITI: Making A Life in the Way of Jesus. He is the cofounder and Executive Director of ReIMAGINE, a Center for life integration based in San Francisco offering a series of workshops and retreats that integrate Christian spiritual formation, the arts, community-building and social action.

Next Thursday night, July 16th, we’re going to have an all tribes PARTY and celebrate the release of the new Conspire magazine.  So, if you’re into food, wine, music, conversation, and fun mark your calendars for the 16th from 7-10pm at Dolores Park Church, 455 Dolores St.

We're excited to announce that on July 16th ReIMAGINE will be hosting a gathering to launch the new edition of Conspire Magazine and mingle with folks involved in the ReIMAGINE tribes.  It's a time for people from all tribes of the emerging Jesus movement to gather and share stories.  If you enjoy music, tasty food, and engaging conversation please join us as we celebrate the revolution among us.  Party to be held at Dolores Park Church. 455 Dolores St, SF, CA.

All those who donate will receive a copy of the new Conspire issue.

To donate online visit: http://www.eventbrite.com/event/375622497

Upon giving out my web address I'm immediately asked what 'daibew' means. Daibew is first, an alternate spelling to the more popular "debut." Daibew is second, the tagging moniker and street name for my childhood friend Raymond. Conversations with Raymond circled round the philosophical and the dreams of unveiling creation.

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